Waiting till the rain slows down only works if the rain slows down...

Asia's death, and the subsequent issues which surrounded and centered on this blog have left their marks, but little else. The current maelstrom of events has little to do with the events of last month, and more to do with day to day insanity. Therefore, I find little strength or desire to cover all the crap that took place last month.

All I can say is that it has become more and more difficult to remain positive and upbeat these last few weeks due to some turmoil at work. The fact that I'm even mentioning this shows that I've learned nothing regarding disclosure. So let me be as vague as humanly possible. I've rejoined a department I wished to leave behind, and done so against my will. Despite the wonderful news that we as a hotel achieved a long term goal, I have been very negative about my current situation. Hours, requirements, lack of purpose... all these things go into what I consider to be a highly undesirable position.

I plan on talking to my big boss tomorrow to see if I can exit this position asap. To add to my discomfort, my work bank of roughly $320 is missing. I cannot account for its disappearance, and I have the only key. It is unlikely that I will suffer any consequences other than a write up, which may not be fair if the money was stolen from my locked safe... but it has caused me a bit of frustration these past few days as I did not need this added to my plate.

On top of that, I got a traffic ticket the other day for not stopping completely at a stop sign. Traffic was turning left in the turn lane, and I slowed and turned right. $190. The cop told me immediately to go and appeal the ticket and they'd "decrease the fine and points"... well, if you're so danged compassionate, why not give me a warning?!?

I'm just really worn. Really tired of things sucking. I want everything we want and need, and I want it now. I don't want to wade through any more crap. I know it sounds wrong, but I feel that we've paid our dues and the good stuff is due now. It doesn't display maturity, growth, or a good world view to be upset by this, but I am.

Other things have gone well lately, and I'm thankful for them, I just want to live elsewhere, work elsewhere... etc.

Strangely enough, all this angst has spurred my creativity. I've been drawing and reading at a breakneck pace. Sarah and I are working through HP5 right now. I connect with Harry and his constant mood swings lately. I'm also reading a book right now that seems as though it were written by me. I hightly recommend it. It's called "Love is a mix tape." by Rob Sheffield.

In other news, new iPods and iMacs have come out. Go Apple stock.

Sarah and I had a date today. It was my 2nd day off, and we went to the $ theatre to see Pirates of the Carribean 3. It was awful. Pointless and rambling, the only thing worse than the overthought plot was the abysmal acting. It was the most expensive piece of crap I've seen since Waterworld. (Waterworld substituted a better plot for Dennis Hopper...) Johnny Depp even had moments of pointlessness. It was just BAD. Parents should not take their children to see it, as it was much more brutal than the previous 2 films. Bullets in the forehead, graphic hanging, impaling, decapitation... it's all over the place.

Anyway, I'm back and done ranting. Forgive me for the absence, but I've been waiting for the frogs to stop falling, and it hasn't happened, so I just bought a titanium umbrella.

I've taken down my life, and rebuilt it.

And quite frankly, it doesn't look the same. And the cupboards keep sticking...

Well, not really.

The blog's been down for a couple weeks. Due in large part by some naivety on my part, and devilish antics on the part of an enemy of mine. All the same, lessons were learned, and no lasting harm was done.

So, without further ado, WELCOME BACK.

I'll be writing again soon. (Probably something political... I've been on a rant lately.)

Jim

Picture

I took this tonight, and I think this is my favourite picture of me ever.

Yes. 

I believe it is...

I feel like starting over.

Let's begin again shall we?

Writing and reading and 'rithmatic. It all gets to me.
Work and home. Art and music. Baby and wife.

All my loves 'a jumbled. Some float, others sink.
Writing's gone down the tubes this last month or so, and readin's won.
Wife and son are doing great. It seems like we've caught a rhythm in this life thing. Job's a bear. I've simply come to the enigmatic spot that is the end of a training program. Do I have a great job here around the corner? Do I not? Is this something I should be terribly concerned about? Probably.

I've been interviewing around, and very honest about this with my current employer. They seem concerned. They have made it clear that when this training is done, they plan on keeping me. It's just that they don't have a job ready for me now, and we both know it. They're accepting that as a reality of the situation, and I simply cannot remain comfortable in that reality. We both understand eachother's predicaments, but really can't do anything to make the other feel any better.

I need to have stability for my family. Do we sign another lease? Leave this apartment for a larger space that we need but don't know if we can afford, because we have no idea what I'll be making in a few months. We don't want to bite off more than we can chew. So I have to explore other options. And the Antlers has nowhere to put me at that moment, and is praying that something falls into their lap. Otherwise, they have to get real creative real fast. They're stalling me, we both know it, and hoping for the best.

I've had several interesting job opportunities in the past several months, but the most promising is currently in the works. Met via conference call with the upper management last week. They also have no positions available right now, but they are very interested. They've checked out my references, and we've exchanged a dozen emails or so. They might be willing to create something that would fit my talents, or work me in some other way. I'd love to work there, and the area is nice.

Sarah and Kiah have been enjoying life lately, but feel the constraints of the apartment in ways that I don't due to the fact that I'm gone to work part of the day. I know that Kiah would love to be outdoors more. But our neighborhood isn't condusive to that.

Sarah has been reading a ton! Alot more than me, even though I'm going through a spurt at the moment. We've been reading the Harry Potter series together. It's her first time through it, and the books move quick.

Kiah's teething molars. Nuff said.

Our small group is doing well. Taking a bit of a break for the summer. We really love the group of people that we've got. If we move away we'll sure miss them.

Well, I'm done for now. Love you all. Peace.

P.S. By the way, I've redone my MySpace page, and added photos.
Here's a preview.

Wooden Desktop

My mac is running au naturale thanks to a gorgeous wooden staircase pic and the delightful wooden theme Moku.

Enjoy.

End of my era...

The reign of Jim has ended. Housekeeping now belongs to another, and I could not be happier.

That was one of the best learning experiences, and one of the most difficult periods of my professional career to date. While the supervisors and housekeepers were easily some of the best people I have ever worked with, the difficulties presented in managing a staff of that size, with the language barrier, and a minimal knowledge of the department... made for issues that I was simply unable to prepare for. But prepared or not, they came... and while in retrospect there were decisions I made that led to less than perfect outcomes, noone was expecting perfect, so I'm ok. In fact, they were just hoping that noone would walk out, and that they wouldn't want to kill me by the time I left.

In this case, I leave behind a department which is still exceeding company goals, has grown instead of shrinking, and has surprisingly maintained a somewhat solid morale despite the stress of losing their beloved manager and having an evil assistant manager... (not me! The other guy I talked about before!)

The new director is a good person, with a strong backbone and a vision for the department. She has treated me with respect, and values my assessments, and as far as I can tell will do a fantastic job.

At home, Sarah and Kiah have been struggling with his upcoming surgery. He's just been having a hard time lately. Being sick, bumping into stuff, and generally learning to walk, talk and exist without falling. Sarah's been dealing with the feelings associated with having your only child go into surgery for the first time, and the worries that come standard with every health insurance package. (The only thing they give you for free...)

I was finally able to go to church this week. It was SOOOOOOO nice to be back. It felt so good to be back in the fire... I've felt like such a grey coal. Nice to sit with Sarah and get to worship with a bunch of other believers. We have praise and worship at our small group, but as the name implies, it's much more intimate. We celebrated communion, which was something I haven't done since Easter, so that was great too. It's amazing how tied up in life one can get, and forget how short and small this life really is. I pull away at times from what's truly important. Distracted by the day to day. It's such an ultimate peace to pull away. Above the hustle and bustle, and just focus on the one who gives me life... real life. Honestly. I feel like my batteries have been charged.

Anyway, I need to hit the sack. Keep Sarah and Kiah in your prayers. They're heading in for the pre-op tomorrow. I'll continue my transition with the new HK director.

Peace out.

My head. Inside and out...

Things I find hilarious...

For Joni.

Jerry Falwell is dead...

And Tinky Winky breathes a sigh of relief...

Shaving my head.

I have just finished successfully building the San Diego Chargers into a decent team, washed the dishes, worked out, got a haircut, and I slept in this morning... how was I able to accomplish all this you ask? Sarah and Kiah are visiting the family in Illinois.

I am living the bachelor life for about 10 days or so, until I join them there for a week. Then I'll come back, and a few days later, so will they.

It's all centered around Kiah & Ezra's birthday on the 25th. Sarah made it out in time to celebrate her mom's first Mother's day as a grandma, and her first Mother's Day as an "out of the womb" mother.

I've been enjoying the peace and quiet, but I miss them already. I had a great "guys" night with my friends Dan and Chris the other night. We watched the Green Street Hooligans, a movie with Elijah Wood as a brawling "futbol" fanatic. Then we watched Casino Royale for a bit, and then decided to just play cards instead of watching people cooler and better than ourselves. We spent about 4-5 hours just chillin without our wives or babies. It was cool. Killian's Red stock rose dramatically as 2nd quarter sales boosted exponentially that night.

Today I've been rockin out with the music cranked. I'm off work today and tomorrow, and making the absolute most of it. Small Group from church is tonight, but other than that, I have no timeline to meet, or goals to accomplish. It's awesome!

Work's been a bit less stressful this week. Other than getting a frantic call in the middle of the night Friday, which I was able to handle the next day, things have been holding together. HR is putting the pressure on the General Manager to hire a new director of housekeeping asap. It's not that I'm doing bad, I'm doing very well... it's just tiring. Not to mention, I'm still working 2 days a week in Security, so that complicates the job. I am technically only in housekeeping 3 days a week... which are usually spent fixing the problems of the last 4 days.

A side note. At this moment, I am now rocking out to "Did I step on your trumpet?" by the Danielson Famile. It rules.

In other news, no news on the Seattle front. We're starting to feel like the offer was bogus. At least to a certain extent. I'm not one to burn bridges, so I'm not ranting... but it seems for now, that Washington will have to wait.

Oh. I shaved my head.

And things got weird, when I started growin' Bob Dylan's beard...

I was looking at pics of Kiah to do a pre-birthday card to folks... when I spotted this photo.

Well, I couldn't place it for awhile, but I finally figured out where I recognized that face he's making from... so here it is. Kiah's pre-birthday announcement. Rejoice.

Fallen friends

It's 10 o clock, and I'm nowhere near tired.
The sun set hours ago, but still the mountains are lit by the storm raging on the other side. Torrential rain to the south. Snow to the north. And a sweeping wind here, with a smell of rain on the air. I sit in a coffee house. Drinking a peaberry coffee from Tanzania. I love African coffee. Birthplace of a worldwide passion. My friend is dead. It hits me from time to time. I sit drinking and reading... listening to Mule Variations by Tom Waits. What a moving album. I so seldom sit and listen to a full work anymore. Very few of the destinations I'm required to visit are more than a half hour away. I don't use my headphones like I did in earlier years. I guess I'm required to participate in my world more now. This is how I want to write. This is how I want to think. I need this time. Time away. I think about Jim. How strong he was. I feel like giving a eulogy, but I know that there's no way to attend his funeral. And even if I could, I don't know that they'd let me talk. After all, I only knew him. Not his family. But all the same I wish I could stress how he died. How it was different than almost everyone else I see die. How he died on his feet. Jim died trying to live. Trying to regain a life that he let go of years before. He knew that Paula would've wanted him to drop his excuses, drop his fears, and make a mad dash for life with everything he had. And so he did. He committed. He went on a 30 day liquid diet, which had to have been one of the hardest things he's ever done. But the big thing that stands out to me is that he died standing up (figuratively of course). When he died, he fell. Like we refer to heroes. I'd never really thought about why heroes fall when they die. But it's because they were standing when they did. They had to be standing. Fighting. Forging. And Jim was. So many people die lying down. In many ways, Paula died lying down. And for that reason, I'm really glad that they died in the order they did. Paula would've been broken, and followed Jim into death. But Jim chose to honor Paula not with submission to death, but fighting for life. The life he knew she wanted him to have. And that is awesome. I have so much respect for the man, and I will miss him terribly. In many ways, I'm just starting to grieve. And in others, I feel as though I've reached a peace with what happened yesterday. It's just that I didn't want to see the story end this way. I wanted to see his new life. His new body. His new reality. But to ever see that, we'll have to watch it happen in our lives. His survivors. I would ask you to choose today to live your life like it matters. That change is not only possible, it's worth dying for. That if someone is willing to risk everything to make life count, it's impossible to simply muttle through another day aimlessly without insulting their memory. I sat in the coffee house reading "The seven habits of highly effective people" which, in my mind, has moved from self help book to recommended reading for anyone wanting to change their life. If you're having trouble even knowing where to start on the road to change, I recommend starting there. If you're a believer in Christ, I recommend the book "I really want to change, so help me God" by James MacDonald. They are both excellently written, and every page has value. Jim wrote something on his blog that really touched me last month. He said "If you are reading this, know that I love you." So on that note, I mirror his sentiments, and want you to know that I feel the same way toward you all. If this were my last post, I would want you to know. I would want to be standing. Fighting. Forging. I would want to "fall" in death. I'd want to be a hero like Jim.

In shock.

Jim Vanhorn died this morning at 6:30.

One of our own...

Well. I don't even know just how to do a post like this, but Jim V., our great friend who lost his wife Paula last year is fighting for his life right now.

After Paula's death, Jim made the decision to live life to the fullest in honor of her, and to do everything he could to get back to a healthy way of life. He underwent bariatric surgery on Tuesday, the tenth, and while his initial reaction was good, he hit a setback two days in, and had to go back in for surgery. Since then, he's been unconcious, and hasn't come out of it. His family is scared, and as a good friend, I'm pretty concerned. I mean, Jim is one of the strongest people I've ever met, so it's weird for me to hear about him being incapacitated... He's such a fighter.

So please keep Jim and his family in your prayers. If you know him, but don't know of his blog, let me know, and I'll send you the address. He updated it right up to the surgery, and his amazing sense of humor was still working overtime, even on a 30 day liquid diet preceding the surgery! Oi.

Dead grandparents

Today is the anniversary of Sarah's grandma Jessie's death, and my grampa Hutchin's death as well. It's been 10 years since grandpa died, and Jessie passed away 8 years ago...

Please keep our families in your prayers as April 15th is hard for us. (not because we procrastinate on taxes...)

Gosh darnitt...

Greg Oden is going pro.

As a freshman.

There go my buckeyes...