Weird Night

Well, today was a decent day. I worked a strange shift, and got home later than normal.

Work was good, but it seemed like the clock was moving slower than it usually does. Sarah and I had a really good talk today. It is so nice to have someone who understands me so well. I'm so blessed... I've been thinking about my family alot lately. I hope they're doing well. I talk to them, but not enough, I've been avoiding my phone too much these past several months. I do my best to keep up correspondence, but the whole BOB thing really created this nervousness about answering my phone. I am terrified of unusual numbers at times... it's absurd, but it really effects me. Things have been improving though... I keep pushing myself to call or write. I just feel this disconnection with the world around me at times. Like I need to disconnect. Like being plugged in all the time is bad. You (ANYONE WITH A PHONE) can reach me 24/7. If I'm in the car, at work, or at home, my cell is with me. I don't answer it alot, but mainly because I'm tired of it. Of talking, of listening, of processing. I dearly love some of the people on the other end, and I almost always enjoy the conversation once I'm in it, it's just the dread of picking up the phone that gets me. Call me crazy, or just tell me I'm overthinking it, but it seems to me that there must be alot of people out there who share the same frustrations. This is getting more and more universal, and cell phones are becoming society leashes...

Well, that's it for tonight. A weird post for a weird day.

P.S. Does anybody know who commented on the last post? It was written in a way that bothered me. It's hard to put my finger on it, but it just seemed strange. Maybe if I knew who wrote it, I'd be able to figure it out. It just seemed enigmatic, both in structure and tone. Hmmm...

Interested?

I got an email from a friend tonight about a very controversial article written by a man named James Kunstler. He wrote an article blasting the current administration as a puppet of right-wing evangelical Christian fanatics. He backed his argument by trying to assert that people who believe the world is going to end shouldn't be running a government. His views are also held by aged, and long time journalist Bill Moyers.

I feel that many of his arguments were weak and very stereotypical of southerners and any Christian who considers themselves "born again". (On a funny note, Jesus said that the only way one could be His follower was to be "born again." Thus bringing up the fundamental question of what everyone considers that term to mean. I can't imagine being a non-born again Christian... That's like having an unofficial membership to something. It's great until you need to use it.)

Anyway, I wrote a rebuttle. I am not finished with it, and it is incredibly long. I could post it, but it may have to be in segments, and would be some serious reading... I think I wrote more than he did, and I would include his original article for comparisson sake. What I'm asking is, would that be something you, the reading audience, would be interested in?

Snot, and what little is left in my head

Well, mucus has won. My head is now the official meeting place of snot anonymous.

Honestly though, today went better than expected. After a rough night, my wonderful wife spent the morning nursing me back to a state of quasi-health. I am so thankful for her. I went to work at 11:30 and worked till about 6. Everybody was nice to me, and patient, as I kept running to the back room to sneeze, wash my hands, and return to the front. My manager even let me run out on the clock to get medicine. Nice. After the drugs everything got better. Dayquil is a gift from God himself... or Vicks. One of the two.

Sarah took the day off of school, mainly to help me through the morning, which kind of puts her at a disadvantage because she has to play catch-up now... I wish I could help her with her homework, but I just don't have the insight or ability to do so.

As far as work is concerned, I am now a Shift Manager. I just need the keys to the store and it'll be official. I have everything else I need, and everyone has been showing me a great deal of respect. This has been a great encouragement to me, and has helped me step up. The same baristas that helped train me are now asking me what I'd like them to do. Very cool. What a great group of people I've been blessed with!

Well, that's all for tonight. I think that Sar and I are off to bed, so I bid you adieu.

Jim

Sick

I feel like this today.

My sinus canals are clogged and drippy at the same time! How is that possible?
Clogged with drippy? Maybe...

I ramble.

Almost time to go to work. Yesterday rocked! I got so much done. Today, I felt like I accomplished alot when I showered. Yay!

Anyway, I better go. Write more when I'm not so gross.

Life

I'm sitting in my living room at 11:52 at night. I sit alone, my wife is going to sleep in the next room, and Over the Rhine is singing quietly to me about my home state and I am crying.

Life is a funny thing. It slips away. Our memories fade and morph. Our friends come and go. My ideas and ideals of what life should be, seemingly change from day to day. Some would say that it's just my age, but I've come to think that people desensitize themselves to the feelings of loss and confusion.

As I sit here, it occurs to me that there are no reinforcements coming to help me live my life. Too many days, I wait with expectation for that magical "whoever" to come and help me with my bills, help define my dreams, help deliver me from my troubles. I feel tonight like a soldier on the frontlines who has realized that if he is to survive the night, he will need to rely on his good aim, his intelligent use of ammunition, and his fighting buddies. There are no reinforcements coming. This is life. This is the one shot at this little go-round that you get before eternity starts, and if you are going to make it worthwhile, you'd better do it soon.

I am blessed. I have great fighting buddies. I have plenty of human talent, and more than all that, I have a close and loving relationship with The Living God who made the universe. I know what I am here for. I know that my purpose in life is to glorify God through my actions... loving others, living to help those in need, and by so doing, make my life worthwhile. In a world filled with people living for themselves, the only ones that are truly fulfilled in life are the few who dedicate their lives in sacrifice for others. I have been given all this knowledge, been imparted all this wisdom, and yet I sit on my somewhat ugly couch, and watch popcorn movies... oblivious to the tremendous responsibilities required of those that know the Truth.

So here goes, today is truly the first day of the last days of my life. How many are left? There isn't any time to waste. How will I live today? How will I love today? Will I be genuine? Will I lie to make myself look or feel better? Will I ignore the needs of others to better "love" myself? Will I sacrifice my wants and desires to bring glory to the name of the One who laid down His life for me? I continue to cry. Tears like this are few and far between. Like a good rain when land is dry... How can I live the way I do? I feel like Strider from the Tolkien trilogy. All the knowledge, ability and courage to save an empire... sitting in a bar in a back corner of the world. How can I live this way? Acting as though I'm lost. Living as though I don't know what I should be doing. Lying to myself and to the world around me. In denial of the only real truth. How sad is that? Probably the saddest thing I've ever heard of.

So here it goes again. Today is truly the first day of the last days of my life. How will it be spent? Spent is such an accurate term for a day. When it's done, it's done. What will be done at this time tomorrow. Will my wife know more assuradely that I love her? Will I have spent time with God? Seeking His strength and wisdom? Will I have worked to earn money for us? Will I have squandered hours? Minutes? The whole day?

Pedro the Lion is singing now. The song is "Lullabye" off his first album. The first song I heard by him, and so appropriate in this case. After struggling against his worries and overthinking everything, he hears the voice of God say "Rest in me little David, and dry all your tears, you can lay down your armor and have no fear. Cause I'm always here when your tired of running. I'm all the strength that you need."

Sounds like sound advice. In some ways I need to lighten up. In other ways, that's the last thing I need. To sleep my life away... To let days and months and years slip by. What I definitely can do tonight is lay all my cares and concerns at Jesus' feet and sleep, knowing that no matter what I do, He is in control.

Peace. Be still.

Saturday...

Ahhhhh...

Saturday.

I slept in till 11 this morning. Something I haven't done in a very long time.
I did have good reason to... Our friend Erina Kamata from Tokyo came over to the US for 3 days. Yes... you read right... 3 days. She flew the 14 plane ride here to spend 3 days with her friends and then get on the plane to take the 15 hour plane ride back. But after seeing her face last night, you could tell it was well worth the investment in time and money.

We arranged to hang out with Erina and our Canadian friend Laurie on Thursday night. It ended up being a little later than we expected, and we stayed up real late. They left about 1 am, and we got to sleep about 1:30. I had to be up to go to work Friday morning, and since I needed to get there earlier than normal (I'll explain in a minute) I had to wake up at 3:45. Ouch.

Friday morning, I opened as the shift manager at the Starbucks I work at for the first time. It was "my" shift, and I really wanted it to go well. Things did go well. I was splendid. My store manager, who opened with me to make sure everything went well, did not do a good job. He was slow, and inefficient, and even though, we arrived 15 minutes early, he didn't have 1/2 of the stuff he was supposed to have done, done by the time we opened. He didn't even have it finished by the time our next employee came in at 6:30. It was sad. I even did some of his work for him... while doing mine. Aside from the frustration with him, I had a really good shift. Everybody got their breaks on time, one of my baristas wanted to go home early, and I was able to help her out. The best part of the day, however, was at the end of my shift when we got the mail.

(Background of the story)
As a company, Starbucks keeps tabs on their employees by sending out "Fake customers" for "snapshots" of how each store is running. Our most recent snapshots have been abismal. In the past year, we haven't had a snapshot above 90% quality. Our past three were 62%, 75% and 69% with very low scores in overall friendliness. I've felt that they have caught us at really bad moments, and I've never been there when they snap-shotted us.

ANYWAY...

I got my first snapshot with me on duty, and we got a 96% rating with four out of five stars for service!!!

I am so excited about that! It really reflects well on our store, and on me, so I'm pleased.
God has blessed me so much in regards to this job.

Well, I really need to go to work soon.
I'll write more later.

Jim